101 in 1001 Update!

It has been a little over a year and I am now updating my 101 things in 1001 days and I have actually completed 18 things. Thats pretty awesome!!

I passed my speech class
I bought a chair that I had always wanted for my bedroom
I got a new job that I LOVE 
I completely learned a Chopin piece on the piano
I applied to THREE colleges and was accepted into all three and offered a scholarship at my top 2
I went to 2 concerts
I made tons of new friends
I bought a jungle gym for my cat lol
I figured out what I wanted to do (for real this time)
I now have a better relationship with my family
I dressed up for halloween
I went to Nashville
I got a manicure
I had a real Christmas tree
I sang in front of strangers ( a lot a lot of times now lol)
I saw one direction live
I graduated college with an associates degree
I am now posting a yearly update

There are some things on that list that I will also be checking off in just a few months, and I am very pleased. I'm sure it is going to be taking me way more than a thousand and one days to complete this list but it was also really cool to see how many things I have done in a year that I had no idea I would be doing a year from then. 

Late night musings

I am just writing. Writing to get this off my chest because I am feeling very trapped lately with my emotions. I have been extremely emotional, about a lot of things. I am afraid of failing at my choice as a profession, I am afraid of falling in love, I am afraid of not being loved in return, I am afraid of talking to people, and I have been doing so much better about that but still the thought of talking to some people really makes me shake. I am afraid that I am going to be seen as a failure in Gods eyes. And I'm scared that I am going to have financial issues for the rest of my life. I wish there was a button you could press so you could just get a glimpse at what your future would look like. Who would be in it, and what I would be doing, and if I fulfilled all my dreams, and if I ever took the plunge and allowed my self to love again. I would love to see if I made it through school, and my recital coming up, and if I would ever get up the nerve to tell him how I feel. College life has been great and I have been blessed by so much but also with blessings come trials and I don't know if I am going to be strong enough to make it through them. So what are things that I can do to help my situation? I can read my Bible more, I have been burdened about this a lot but I have always had a hard time with reading my Bible. I think if I did read He would make the way clear to me and it is something I should have been doing since the beginning. I could also work harder on my school work, I have always been the person who could get by with no studying and with great grades. School has just naturally come to me, but studying music is so hard. So much harder than I thought it would be and I am just not getting by with the study habits I have had my whole life. It is very different and difficult for me to pick up a book and study because it is just something I have never done. I just wanted to get this stuff off of my chest, because it was all bottling up inside and making me go crazy. Maybe one of these days I won't be afraid to love someone again, because I have found the perfect person to love if I would just not allow the fear to overcome me.