my week

Monday

positive: I didnt have to work   negative: I had to go to co-op

Tuesday

positive: I had no school on tuesday  negative: I spent alot of money

Wednesday

positive: Carlie's birthday                  negative: I had to work

Thursday

positive: I got to drive alot                negative: I got honked at

Friday

positive: Health wasnt at my house   negative: A bunch of tests

Saturday

positive: Justin Bieber Never Say Never 3D  negative work on parkway

Sunday

positive: I finished all my work        negative: I had to stay late at work.

Feelings

What is that feeling? The one when you kiss someone you love or you read of two characters and they finally get together or you remember an amazing memory and it’s like your heart has a heatwave attack. Then it’s like your heart stops but the warm travels down through your stomach and stops there making you feel warm and fuzzy? What is that?! I mean I really want to know because it happens to me about 5,009,829,727,727,372,930 times a day. Yeah… Alot.

Alone

I’m probably more lost now then I’ve ever been. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I feel like my heart has been opened up for everyone to just stomp all over. And believe me, they have. I’ve loved and lost and I’ve felt lower than I do now but I’ve never felt so alone in the world. I wish I had a friend to talk to, or someone to hold my hand. But, I’ll never forget the users and haters. They say they make you stronger but I don’t think they really do. They just hurt.

Just Stuff

Do you ever just want to talk. Just spill out everything that’s going on inside of you.. Do you ever feel like you just hold so many things inside of you that you dont think you can stand to anymore? Well I am like that. All I ever do is hold in everything, truth is when i act like I’m strong and confident and that things don’t hurt me it’s usually a lie. No matter what it’s just like I can’t stop. I’m that girl who cried for hours November 14th when you did that to me. I’m the girl who would have waited a life time for you and you couldnt even wait a month, I was the girl who put up with your crap, who didn’t say anything when you flirted with other girls and you’d think that after a few months if I said something that I wouldn’t get punished like you punished me. I am sick of being in abusive relationships, usually it’s things I get my own self into l, and I hate that. Just for once in my life I want to be loved. I want a relationship not a status quo per say. I don’t want to go out with someone just so my Facebook won’t say single anymore. I just want to be loved , and I want a best friend who I can tell everything to. You may look at me and think that I’m this happy person but really all I am is alone and hurt. I wish so badly I could be with you .. No not you Joe… Screw you, I hate you. Another you, you know who you are. We are so similar it’s amazing, and I love that, and I really like you. I’m praying so hard that this will work out. But for now I’m just going to go on pretending, being the “happy” girl. Filling my duty. Until next time.. Stay classy San Diego haha jk jk #swag. Aight, peace.

The J word

November 14, 2009 I began a relationship with a boy named Joe. Ah, Joe. He was my best friend. We had everything in common and we had the most fun together. Somewhere along the way I fell in love. Most people say that your first love is a sweet experience. Mine started that way, but it did not end that way. I honestly didn't know it was possible to be as happy as I was. I didnt know that I was ever going to have someone love me back, and he did. Every single day was like a holiday. I had never been so happy. Somewhere along the way, if not the whole time, he started lying to me. And four months later we broke up. I broke up with him, because I was forced and a few short days later I was told that I was never loved in the first place, kinda a smack in the face. Then, I didnt know it was possible to be that hurt. To the point where you are continually asking God to just take your life, because you wonder if anything is real or is everything just a lie? March - April is just a big blur, I dont remember anything. I don't know if pain erased it all from my memory if I just force myself to forget. But I was pretty upset all the way till October. Then I heard a boy sing. His name was Justin Bieber. His words were so full of life and truth, and reminded me of the way things were when I was with Joe, the big huge hole in my heart was beginning to be filled. And by November I didnt love Joe anymore. People make fun of me, and people hate on me for liking Justin Bieber, but he pretty much made me me again, thats why I feel so strongly about him. You hate on him its like you are hating on Joe. So to this day Joe will always be a small little part of my heart that I dont think will ever be filled, but I dont mind that its not filled as long as I'm content in who I am. I'm so thankful that I even was able to experience love, and I pray that one day God will give me another chance.

Work

I've had a job since I was 14. At first I hated the idea of getting a job. So much that I cried the whole way to get my application and I cried the whole way home, then I cried the whole way to work my first day, and many days after that. Working at Dairy Queen sucks. Not gonna lie, it is probably the worst job a person can have. The boss is an evil witch! Ok maybe not an evil witch, but she is a very mean lady. Most people quit within their first few weeks, unfortunately I was there for over a year. But getting a job at a young age was actually a benefit. I learned how to communicate with other people and I learned alot about the way people act.

Friends

Friends

Friends are weird things. It may seem like a friend will last forever and then a month later you barely speek to a person. I think changing schools really opened up my mind about the way that people are. I realized that the people you think would be the most faithful don't even want a thing to do with you. And the friends that you barely made time for in the first place, are the only ones who stayed. I also learned that making friends is a very hard thing to do. I think at my old school it was alot easier cause I was in my natural environment, somewhere I felt normal, and secure. So, I didn't mind opening myself up to people. But, now I'm at a new school, with a bunch of very new people and I dont feel comfortable at all but, I've learned that the only way to get somewhere is to put yourself out there.

blog numero 1

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