A letter to past me.

Hey there,
Let me just start off by telling you... IT GETS BETTER. Stop wishing you would die. Stop praying for yourself to die. God has big plans for you and you can't really do them when you are dead. STOP talking to Joe. Just stop. Stop pining for him, it really is true. He never loved you, and I know right now it hurts so bad to hear that but, you need to hear it. It will make you strong. Don't try to force anything on him. When he tells you 'I never loved you bitch' DON'T talk to him again like you promised yourself. Stop going back to him, because he will make you look like a fool. Even if he is the only one who sees it, you still are a fool in his eyes, and that's enough. Don't give him that note at graduation. It practically ruins your summer. Trust me. And a whole summer without your phone when you are 16 is bad enough but a whole summer with a broken heart is even worse. Don't fight with momma so much. She only wants the best for you. I know it seems like she hates you but she really doesn't. And here in just a few weeks she's going to be going through something so much more than you and Joe. Stop thinking about yourself. Everyone will tell you to stop being selfish and I know for a fact you will think " I am not being selfish " But you really are. Joe hurt you, not your family. Don't take it out on them. Be there for your mom, she really is going to need you to grow up and a get a back bone. Apologize to God. You know for a fact that it is not God's fault. Nothing that happens this year is God's fault. You need to realize that without Him you are nothing. Sadly it took me three more years to understand that. Don't waste those three years. READ YOUR BIBLE. Just do it, it really isn't that hard. I know it sounds like the end of the world to you, but it really is a live savor just waiting for you to reach out and grab it. I'm not trying to be hard on you because I know that is something that you don't need right  now but believe me when I say. It does get better. Love yourself for who you are. Don't let Joe or Vivian or any of those people define you. YOU DEFINE YOURSELF. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Just be patient.And be thankful for the life that you've been given. You are so special, USE IT.


Love,
Future Me.