Drug Store Makeup Items

I love watching beauty videos on the internet, literally youtube is one of the best things I think has ever been invented. I love to watch all the looks the beauty gurus create but in the  end I can't do the same looks that they do because high end make up is just that HIGH end.. as in HIGH priced. I, like most college students my age, am on a budget and spending $30 on a bottle of foundation is just something I am not capable of doing. I don't believe that buying high end makeup is bad in fact if I had the money I would probably buy it myself BUT I don't. Just because I can't buy high end doesn't mean I can't rock the same looks. I shop most of my makeup at the drugstore and if there is something that I REALLY want I will save up or ask for it as a gift. So I am going to share with you some of my favorite essential makeup items that you can buy for a very reasonable price at the drugstore.

Foundation

Revlon Nearly Naked- I am in the lightest shade 110 Ivory (I'm pretty sure) and the foundation stays true to color it blends so nicely with my skin, it doesn't leave harsh lines where you can tell you have on makeup it is very flawless and seamless and I love this foundation.

Powder

Revlon Nearly Naked - I am the same shade in the powder as I am in the foundation. Powder is not something that I use much of because I already have dry skin I don't really find the need to put it on but when I do use it this is the one I go for. It blends very nicely with the foundation and into my skin. Other powders I have used before have left my skin looking well powdery.. I'm really not into that look. This one doesn't do that. It is very natural and I love the way it makes my skin look.

Bronzer

e.l.f. Contouring Blush & Bronzer - I'm going to be completely honest with you here until just here recently bronzer was a very scary concept for me. I've seen girls with the orange sheen going on and that is NOT  a look I enjoy, so I was very scared to use bronzer. I've owned this bronzer well over a year and just never used it because I was too chicken. But the past couple of months I have been using this and loving it. I just put some on my cheek bones and blend blend blend blend blend did I mention I blend it? I blend it up to the corners of my forehead and down my neck so it looks more natural and this bronzer works very well for me. And a little FYI a little goes a loooooong way. You don't need much. 

Blush 

Maybelline FIT me!- light pink. I'm not even sure if they make this any more I have had this blush SO LONG, but just recently started using it. I have naturally really rosey cheeks so I have never really worn blush but I think that it is important to wear it because it really completes your face. This is the same as the bronzer you don't need much just the top of your cheek bones dab it on and blend blend blend. 

Eye Shadow

L'oreal Infallible 24 HR Eyeshadow- this shadow is in the color 892 Amber Rush which I love but it is not the only one I love. I literally love every single one of these I try. They last such a LONG time and they are very pigmented which is something that I love in an eyeshadow. Very beautiful and very long lasting.

Mascara

Revlon Lash Potion - I have never had a bad eyeliner. I think its one of those things you just can't go wrong with. I have a couple I am currently using Revlon lash potion and it is their new one with the grow serum I absolutely love. Maybelline makes good mascara too but my absolute favorite is Revlon. I think any mascara you buy from the drugstore will really do the trick for you. Just read and make sure wether you want one that lengthens or volumizes or even one that helps your eyelashes grow. Whatever you are looking for they are likely to have 

Lipgloss 

Revlon Colorburst - this one is in the color 018 fire. This lip gloss is really thick. when I am using sometimes I will just put a little on my bottom lip and blend it in with my finger if I am wanting a thinner look. It all depends upon your color preference for the day. I have worn this full  too without spreading it and it looks flawless you have no need for a lipstick because it is so pigmented and thick it lasts almost all day. 

Lip stick 

Covergirl Lip Perfection - this color is 405 Fairytale. This lipstick is very creamy which is something I like. I hate it when a lipstick dries out my lips and I end up having to apply more lip balm and then it just ruins the look. This one doesn't require that because it is so creamy it doesn't dry out. I love the consistency of the color and these are just like the lipgloss above where they are buildable. Sometimes I will put just a little of this and blend it in with my fingers and then put a little of the above lipgloss and it makes a beautiful color. I love creating new things and I like that these products allow me to mix and match to make new colors

Eyeliner

AVON Glimmersticks Chrome  - G12 Midnight Flash although avon is kind of hard to get ahold of unless you personally know someone who sells it the makeup it fabulous quality and extremely cheap I think I got four of these eyeliners for less than $10 and they have lasted me a long time. I like this liner because it is kind of like a cream but it is still in the pencil form so you have more control over it than you would a cream eyeliner but it slides on as smooth as cream does. Eyeliner is my go to makeup item I love to have swooped wing eyeliner everyday so I use ALOT of eyeliner and this is one of the drugstore brands that I continue to buy. 

Highlighter

Loreal MagicLumi Concealer corrector - 860 Fair this is technically a concealer BUT that is not how I use it. I use it to highlight my cheek bones, cupids bow, and the bridge on my nose. It kind of has this iridescent rose gold coloring to it. This is one of my favorite things that has ever been made. It is absolutely perfect no flaws the best highlighter you can buy.   

These are just some of the things I like to buy from the drugstore that work very well for me. Makeup is so fun and just because you don't have the means to buy the same makeup that others can buy doesn't mean that you can't have a fabulous look thats just as beautiful as those with higher end products. 

When I'm in a rut.

So I have reached this point in my life where I hate absolutely everything I am involved in.. and it is things that prior to this crisis (?) I really rather enjoyed such as choir. I sing in three choirs and right now I literally dread every choir practice I go to. It doesn't matter which choir it is what time of the day they are I dread every single one of them and while I am there I find myself messing with my phone and checking the time more than I am singing. 

I'm really uncertain as to why this has happened to me but right now I feel absolutely bluh. I am just tired of everything school, work, choir, piano, like literally everything. I even become bored of getting on the internet. WUT? I really hate this time in my life and I really wish it was over with. I wish I knew the remedy to get myself excited about these things again because right now I am not excited. 

Sometimes things that help me when I am in a rut are making goals. So when I am so tired of the constant bore of my diet and I start to get those dangerous thoughts in my head like " Why am I even doing this?" " What is the point in dieting if I am not happy?" I set a goal and a deadline but there has to be a reward at the end of the deadline. So when I first got in a rut about my diet I set a goal that I wanted to look good because I had meet and greet tickets to an upcoming concert. So I tried my best to look my best and I lost a lot of weight. 

Maybe that is what I need to do at this moment in my life. Make happy goals so I can become more involved and less annoyed with my everyday activities. So I am setting a goal THAT when I graduate ( or maybe even sooner ) I am going to take a trip back to London. That will be my goal to work hard and achieve more through the opportunities that I have been given.

My Healthy Relationship

You're going to love what I did with that title .. I just know it. I'm sure you guessed it I am NOT in a relationship.. ha ha jokes on you if you thought I was.. but I am in a predicament with my health. My whole life as long as I could remember I have had an extremely abusive relationship with food. We hit each other.. metaphorically speaking.. I have always used food as a coping mechanism, an exterior block, a wall, a security blanket.. and in return food has very warmly welcomed me in, kept me warm, and has given me lots and lots of fat. YAAAAAAY... that's a fair trade right?? WRONG! I have never found a way to correctly have a relationship with food.. because that is what it is.. everyone has a relationship with it, you may not be thinking about it but its true. You have to consciously choose 'am I going to eat lucky charms for breakfast or am I going to eat the bran?" lucky charms says " come here baby, I am happy and lucky and I even come with a pretty little leprechaun on me" and most of the time I would be like " leprechaun??!! HECK YES!" and would never even listen to what the bran had to offer.. healthy heart, a great start to the day, healthy weight. And you know something as simple as eating healthy and being healthy can completely change your life. If I had eaten healthy my whole life I can guarantee that I would not look the way I look today.. and who's to say that I wouldn't be a completely different person if I looked different. Would I act different? Would I think different? Would I be different? Would I have different friends? I think the answer to all of those questions is .. yes. I would be different. NOW NOW listen to me. I wouldn't change who I am for the WORLD. I love my friends, and my life, the way I think, the way I act.. sometimes.. BUT I also believe the lifestyle that I live is hindering me in progressing. THEREFORE ( big fancy word means big fancy transition) I am trying to change my life. I can't honestly tell you a time in my life when I haven't been dieting. I was dieting  in elementary school and that is so sad. I should have been running around playing with my friends but instead I was caught up in my emotional relationship with food. But I am drawing the line no more missing out because of the way my relationship has been, I am no longer going to have an abusive relationship but rather a healthy relationship with food. I am trying to choose the foods that benefit ME rather than my tongue. I am trying to choose foods that will help me in the long run rather than seasonal satisfaction, and I am trying to change my lifestyle so that I can be healthy, be given more opportunities, and can feel good about myself. I will be updating you on this journey and I know already this is NOT going to be easy, but I am not letting myself quit this time. This is the end of the line. 

What's going on? I'm blogging?

Helllllloooo Interwebs. What's up? So here is the part of the year when I've gone through something dramatic or I'm bored so I write a blog post. I literally only post on here maybe twice a year but whatever it is good therapy for me... laugh out loud. When I'm sad or lonely something that always makes me feel better is writing it out. Now obviously I'm not writing, I'm typing but its still getting it out of my system so.. WHATEVUHHHHH.

So Rachel, what dramatic thing have you gone through now? You never post unless drama happens. 

OHHH thank you. Thank you for noticing my pattern of dramatic posting. What's going on in my life you ask? Well how about you pull up a chair and have a seat and I will tell you. 

So my last post was from heavens knows how long ago but in that post I told you about being in love with my best friend. Guess what?! I still am. Thats shocking isn't it? I'm one of those people who constantly remains undecided and when I do decide I almost always change my mind. But, with this one I didn't. I didn't change my mind, I'm still in love with him. Now I'm not saying that I spend my days planning our futures and writing our names in cursive or any of that other bull crap in fact this may be the most sane I have ever remained when dealing with romance. I'm sort of one of those obssesive types. Or I used to be, when I was in highschool I totally was. Who I liked at the time became the center of my universe until I was over it. Now, I am not like that... praise God.. but I think I am finally at a place in my life where I kind of comprehend love. I know what it means to be in love. Its not 'oh my gosh hes so gorgeous and pretty we've never spoken before I love him' << That was my definition of love when I was in highschool.. literally that could probably be an exact quote of something I've said.

 But, I finally understand what love is.. not all that crap but understanding someone. I also realize that people all have different definitions of love but for me its understanding how someone works how they function and wanting to be a part of it, it is admiring a person not for their looks but who they are, what they say, how they think, what they feel. Its when you sit down beside someone you haven't seen in months and you look them in the eyes and its different. There is knowledge in your eyes and his, there are quirks that only you know about each other. There are inside jokes, and shared memories.. happy and sad.. there is a trust. A deep trust in that other person and its a trust that you only share with them . Falling in love is when you leave after spending an evening together and you keep looking in your rear view mirror hoping to see that other person. Its when he sits beside you in a booth and shivers instantly race up your spine. Its when you are happy to see someone, and its when you are so sad that it hurts when they are gone. It is constantly wanting to talk to the other person, sharing every aspect of each others lives. Its telling your deepest secrets and still liking each other inspite of things in your past. It is finding someone who understands you, who makes you laugh, who has the same sense of humor, who is your friend, who is kind, and caring, and loved by your family. Someone who is a part of you and who is a piece of your heart. Someone who has the same morals, standards, and beliefs as you. Someone who loves Christ more than he loves himself. Falling in love is realizing that you would rather the other person be happy than yourself and if that means you being alone you learn to cope with it. And falling in love is praying for someone everyday, and asking God to place His loving hand on their heart. 

So for once in my life I finally understand what it means to love someone, because I do. I love my best friend, so much. 

And, I told him. I told him I loved him.

WHAT?! You, Rachel Edwards, told someone you loved them?!

I did. Because I understood finally that I loved someone and what is the point in keeping that all to myself? If I know that I love someone why shouldn't I tell him? So I did. Now I was literally horrified. I almost puked that is how worked up I became, I sent him a text in the middle of the night and just started crying and shaking. It is seriously terrifying placing yourself out there. Just saying ' Here this is me this is everything that I have hid from everyone for so long. This is what I feel. I am open, look at me. Look at my emotions, understand what I am feeling.' That is HORRIBLE absolutely horrible. I don't understand why anyone would WANT to do that. But I also understand that I had come to a place in my life that if I didn't tell him I would regret it forever. 

Does he love me back? I don't know. I don't expect him to. I understand what he is going through. I understand that he is in a very emotional state in his life. Believe me I get it I've gone through it, and honestly I'm still not over it. Growing up it strange, I am not the same person I was when I graduated highschool and I understand that when you close a chapter of your life it is heartbreaking. So I get it, that he isn't emotionally or mentally ready for a relationship. I totally get it, and I can't even be upset about it because honestly I don't even know if I am ready. I do know that I desperately want to be ready. There is nothing more that I want to do than to be a wife and a mother and to have a life outside of school and work. That is my absolute goal for life but obviously right now is not the time to start that chapter of my life, I'm supposed to trust God. Which is so hard. I know God has a plan for my life. There is something that I am supposed to do and I can feel God getting me ready for it, but I also know that I don't want to face whatever it is alone, but it may not be God's will for me to have someone at this time in my life, so I must be patient which is very hard.

I've learned alot about myself through this whole situation. Ever since I went through that horrible time when I was in highschool I have been so scared of spiraling back into that negative place. It was absolutely horrible and I am so thankful to be free from that. I think that is the reason that I am the way that I am. I am so scared of going back to that place that I don't allow myself to feel anything. I build walls and I block people out. So this situation that I put myself in was the first time I had really allowed myself to feel since that horrible time in my life. And it was absolutely petrifying. But I'm so glad I faced it. Right now my heart is a little broken. I said I understand why he can't be with me now but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. It does, it hurts a lot. And having a broken heart is one of the most horrible feelings in the world but I am so thankful to be feeling it. My mom told me that she beleives God allows our hearts to break and get cracks in it is so He can fill those cracks with His love. And guess what, I don't need Joe to love me. All I need is God's love, it is nice to have the love of other human beings but it is not something that I need. All I need is God and I am praying everyday that He would just fill me up. Make me into something He can use. I am taking a break from the world, and just trying to focus on my spiritual walk with God. I deleted all of my social apps from my phone and I trying to cleanse myself from the world. Now that doesn't mean I will stay off facebook, twitter, instagram, and foursquare forever because I won't. But right now, I'm trying to leave those things aside to that I can become a better person not only for myself but for God.

I ask that whoever is reading this would pray for me. This is such an emotional time in my life and I am praying that God will use this time I have away from all these social media outlets to turn me into something great. 

Hello WORLD :D

Oh my goodness how I have missed you. LOL not really. I'm jk'ing. Anyways, whats going on your way? Me? Well I'm a sophomore in college now. HECK YES. Oh and guess what else I've lost 31 pounds since the last time we talked.. yeah... I'm sexy, also I am singing with a symphony, I'm playing the piano for a childrens choir, I'm observing in a class at a real school for my education course, and I'm in love with my best friend. No biggie.

Yes. I made it through my freshman year even though I thought I couldn't. I know, I'm fabulous. I am now taking EDU 200- Intro to Teaching, HIS 101- Western Civ BIO 101- Biology and MTE6,7,8,9 Math..gag. I absolutely love my Western Civ teacher he is HILARIOUS, and super nice. I just love having a good teacher, it helps you learn better. Math is horrible.. as always. Education is alright, it is kind of self explanitory and there is an annoying girl in there who won't shutup.. but that is beside the point. I actually haven't started the classroom observations yet. I lied. But, I'm going to a school this Thursday to talk to a principal about observing in their school. It's kind of terrifying, I'm really nervous about it.  Biology is meh. I haven't really decided whether I like/dislike it yet. My teacher is the Forever great Mr. Hamed my older sister's love ... hahah she is legit in love with that man. Yeah he is funny but she was obsessed with him.. lol. 

YEAH! I lost 31 pounds. I'm still not telling you my weight but I'm skinny(er) OH GOODNESS. Its so exciting. I am officially wearing two sizes smaller than what I wore in May, and I don't eat bread, noodles, rice, basically anything startchy. 

I am singing with the Symphony of the Mountains! Oh my goodness its so exciting we are singing Beethoven, and it kills my throat but I am excited anyway. I'm in the process of building a resume and that is something great I can put on there. 

I am now playing the piano for the 'pee-wee choir' at my church. Nothing big, but I am still very honored to do it. We are getting ready to have our first program in a couple of weeks. I love playing and singing with the kids, it is a lot of fun.

And, oh my lord. I'm in love with my best friend, which I don't even know how to explain it other than when I think about him and can't stop smiling, I get chills all up and down my arms, whenever we see each other I freak out. I dream about him, but one thing I know is that he probably doesn't love me, and we will probably never be together. But, at least I can finally admit what people have been trying to get me to admit for a couple of years now. 

This is my life. It's kind of exciting. LOL heck it is really exciting, I'm kind of the bomb. I'll keep in touch


Rach

I'm so tired.

I'm so tired of my life. I'm so tired of having no real friends. I'm so tired of feeling jealous of other people and the lives they live. I'm so tired of feeling alone. I'm so tired of being scared. I'm so tired of everything.


My life lately has just become this one big drama fest. I'm so over it. I hate my job. I hate school. Everywhere I go I just feel so depressed leaving it. I don't enjoy anything I do. 


Theres this guy. We used to be so close. Best friends. And then there was a new girl at work. Now shes the new me. They are so close. Best Friends. And I hate her for it. I hate him for it. He lies to me. Tonight when I told him that I was quitting his exact words were ' oh good now my boy j.d. can get a job ' EXCUSE ME? Screw you buddy. That is no way to treat a friend. I really felt and still feel like crying.


I'm so jealous of everyone who has a perfect life, or a life that seems perfect. I'm just so angry at everyone and everything I just want to drive and drive and drive and never turn back around.


I feel so alone. I have absolutely no one to talk to, so I write letters to the internet. Isn't that pathetic. I have absolutely no one to talk to about anything. I'm so scared that I am going to live my life and end up alone forever.


I'm so scared of everything. I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared that I will never lose enough weight to be 'pretty' I'm scared that I'm going to die alone. I'm scared that I won't be able to join the military. I'm scared of everything and I hate it.


I'm so tired of my life. I feel like just sitting down and crying. I want to hit someone and I want to hit them hard. I'm so bored in this town, with my 'friends' and my stupid job, and my stupid boss. I hate everything.

A letter to past me.

Hey there,
Let me just start off by telling you... IT GETS BETTER. Stop wishing you would die. Stop praying for yourself to die. God has big plans for you and you can't really do them when you are dead. STOP talking to Joe. Just stop. Stop pining for him, it really is true. He never loved you, and I know right now it hurts so bad to hear that but, you need to hear it. It will make you strong. Don't try to force anything on him. When he tells you 'I never loved you bitch' DON'T talk to him again like you promised yourself. Stop going back to him, because he will make you look like a fool. Even if he is the only one who sees it, you still are a fool in his eyes, and that's enough. Don't give him that note at graduation. It practically ruins your summer. Trust me. And a whole summer without your phone when you are 16 is bad enough but a whole summer with a broken heart is even worse. Don't fight with momma so much. She only wants the best for you. I know it seems like she hates you but she really doesn't. And here in just a few weeks she's going to be going through something so much more than you and Joe. Stop thinking about yourself. Everyone will tell you to stop being selfish and I know for a fact you will think " I am not being selfish " But you really are. Joe hurt you, not your family. Don't take it out on them. Be there for your mom, she really is going to need you to grow up and a get a back bone. Apologize to God. You know for a fact that it is not God's fault. Nothing that happens this year is God's fault. You need to realize that without Him you are nothing. Sadly it took me three more years to understand that. Don't waste those three years. READ YOUR BIBLE. Just do it, it really isn't that hard. I know it sounds like the end of the world to you, but it really is a live savor just waiting for you to reach out and grab it. I'm not trying to be hard on you because I know that is something that you don't need right  now but believe me when I say. It does get better. Love yourself for who you are. Don't let Joe or Vivian or any of those people define you. YOU DEFINE YOURSELF. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Just be patient.And be thankful for the life that you've been given. You are so special, USE IT.


Love,
Future Me.